Over 20 years ago, God showed me in a vision that I would stand before women to minister, encourage, and teach them the Gospel. With such a great and exciting vision, little did I know that I would have to endure such great hardships before that vision would come to pass. God gave me the vision, but He did not share the journey or the process. How could I really speak of God's goodness if I never experienced trouble & if I never needed Him?

The divorce of my parents when I was 13 left me wounded for many years, even into my adulthood. My former husband's unexpected death the day after Thanksgiving of 2002, when I was 30, too created even more wounds. My daddy's unexpected death Thanksgiving Day 2014 opened up the wounds that I thought were healed. Then in 2018, the unexpected death of my 47 yo brother from a heart attack. 

"Life Happens", BUT GOD!!!

When I married my former husband, I had no idea that I would become a widow and single mother of three, seven years later. After his death, I went into a depression and I became very angry with God. I felt as though God was punishing me for something. I didn't realize that God uses trials and tribulations to purge us of everything that's in us that grieve Him and that are not like Him. God uses them to mature us and to develop our character. 

What the enemy wanted to use as a set-back in my life, was actually a set-up from God for my good and for His glory, Genesis 50:20. All of the things that happened to me were necessary ingredients for the finished product that I'm becoming, Philippians 1:12. Just as an olive has to be crushed and pressed in order for the anointing oil to be extracted, I, too, am having to be crushed and pressed in order for God's anointing to come out of me. The wounds are no longer there. The only things that remain are the scars which serve as a reminder/testimony of my past and as a testament to the goodness and sovereignty of the only true and living God.

I allowed the painful events of my past to define me. I was stuck and could not move from the pain of my past. Because of my true, committed, consistent relationship with the Father, I now know that I am who God says I am. Within the past three years, I've come to realize God's love for me and that I'm the "Apple" of His eye, Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 17:8. I learned to surrender. Not surrender of the parts/things that I want God to have, but total surrender of every area of my life. Surrender is a day by day, minute by minute, second by second, continual process. This process includes my past, my will, my dreams, and desires, trusting God for His perfect will to be done in every area of my life.